Grandpa Letter 9

Saturday, November 21, 2015                                    12:14 p.m.

Provo Utah 

My Dear Katrina;

Let us continue with the saga of:

Larry the Lazy Leaf.

And then the zombies attacked.

They came in through the windows and down the chimney and busted the door out and even wriggled through the drain pipe.

They ate up poor little Maisy and her mother. One of the zombies then picked up the leaf album and looked directly at Larry.

Larry shook like a cheap metal tea kettle on the boil.

“Hey boss” called the zombie, whose name was Blug-Blug, “do we eat leaves?”

“No we don’t, dimbulb!” answered the boss zombie grumpily, whose name was Grug-Grug.

“Well, can I keep this here thingamabob to look at?” asked Blug-Blug.

Grug-Grug shrugged his shoulders; “Sure, why not?”

The zombies slunk back to their hideout, which was in an old abandoned stationary store. (You may think that all stores are stationary, and you’d be right – but some stores are more stationary than others.)

This was an ideal place to lurk, because whenever they felt a might peckish they just put out a sign that read “Half Off on Toner!”  and unsuspecting office managers would wander in and be gobbled up before you can say “Ole Stuhlsted” (who happens to be one of your Norwegian ancestors, and has nothing to do with this story, but I thought a little family history would be a good thing – we can’t always be frivolous, you know!)

And nobody ever missed the poor office managers, because office managers are never missed by anyone. So I advise you to set your sites much higher than becoming an office manager. You might want to consider becoming a steeplejack or a four-flusher.

Where was I?  Oh yes! Blug-Blug grew rather fond of Larry, and kept his page next to the pile of rose petals he slept on (for zombies are very fussy sleepers), so he could look at it all night long. All zombies suffer from terrible insomnia. You would too if your eyelids had fallen off.

One day the king of the zombies, whose name was Frug-Mug-Nug-Pug-Scrug-Prug-von Struedleberg – but everyone called him ‘Fred’ for short –declared they were going to start eating trees instead of people, because his doctor said he had to cut out all human fat – and what was good for King Fred was good for his people! Besides, trees were much easier to catch because they didn’t run away.

But Blug-Blug was sad when he heard this, because he thought it meant he might eat the tree from which his beloved Larry leaf had come from.

 So Blug-Blug decided to run away from the zombies.

TO BE CONTINUED.